I’m about to write this blog and I am taken back to when I was 12 years old.
It’s the Summer school holidays and I am attending a 5-day Youth Camp at Lake Bonney, Barmera in South Australia’s Riverland. At the group welcome, we are told we can go sailing tomorrow. They have enough small, single sail sailing boats, possibly Dinghies, defined as “small (under 15 feet) these boats are usually one or two-person boats. These are boats that guarantee a wet ride.” Are you getting it ‘a wet ride’?
Well, let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves.
I had never been out sailing before and anyone could go sailing provided they passed a test in the morning. All we had to do was swim. So, the next day, everybody is there and passes the test and goes out on the dinghies. It’s such fun, but I’m not there with them. I’m told “as long as I pass the test tomorrow I can go sailing.
First thing in the morning, Day 2, I put on my bathers and after breakfast, the activities begin. Everybody goes out sailing and I’m trying to pass a test. And I hear those words again. We will see how you are tomorrow, code for you gotta pass the test! No pressure, Grant.
Hmmm, so I spend five mornings in the safe area trying not to drown. I didn’t, but I didn’t ‘swim’ either. The fifth day is the last day and I’m determined to make it. Could even have prayed. Whatever it takes I’ve gotta swim today or I won’t ever sail. Ah, determination paid off. I passed.
And so, off I go on a dinghy, possibly designed for 1 or 2 people, but there are a young 16-year-old instructor and two campers. I manage to help push the boat out a little bit and slide my stomach over the edge and plomp, into the dinghy.
A little breeze and away we go. I’m starting to enjoy this sailing. Following orders. Being part of the crew. The boat is steered towards the middle of the lake and then… Oopsy do, the dinghy capsizes. Over I go. Thank god we had to put life jackets on. 5 days, 8 minutes and then disaster strikes. How’s my luck. Do you reckon I kind of set myself up for this?
We do get ‘rescued’ about 15 minutes later and it feels great to be out of the water and rub my toes into the sand again. That was it for me. My one and only time I went sailing in this life.
Coming back to present time. It’s Week 9 and we are ‘on holiday’ for 2 weeks, kinda left to our own devices, to see if we sink or swim. And yes, we have been given a life jacket. And we have had 8 weeks to break free from carrying our albatrosses or Old Blueprints and soar.
Well, there is a little thing from the first week called a DMP or Definite Major Purpose, your dharma. You might want to think of it as your calling. Why were you put on Earth? At least this fits with my notion of what it can mean. Right now, I’m feeling just like that 12-year-old boy who had to pass a swimming test, when he believed he couldn’t swim. The DMP has two other things PPNs or our Personal Pivotal Needs that are the oxygen to our soul, and that damn question “What’s your sacrifice?”
We have brilliant guides, and mine is JJ, however their brief, as is the whole course, is not to influence our thoughts in any way, so we grow to be self-reliant and self-confident people. What they can do is examine the impact of our writings to feel how they are moved. So, I get the same message week after week, “What’s it feel like?” and then this one “what emotion are you experiencing behind feeling…” I am thinking that was a feeling. Isn’t that all I had to do?
You see, I’m not all in here. I don’t know the answer. And this week I fell off the rails a bit. There are daily practices and all you need to do is just do them. I found myself struggling to keep my eyes open, having only got 4 hours sleep by participating in another brilliant course – The SuperHeroes Summit.
For the first time this week I did not keep my promise. Up to this point I had been religiously doing every exercise and trying to build my enthusiasm. Then, it all came crashing down (a bit of license here). It wasn’t the end of the world, but something shattered. Remember, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Well, I think that the Old Blueprint (patterns of thoughts, beliefs, feelings and actions) has got a hammering from all the affirmations and realises the end is nigh.
At least that is the spin I’m giving it this afternoon. My guide can’t quite put her finger on it when she reviews my DMP. She writes, “ it feels as though something’s missing. So, my question to you is, “what are you holding back?” This doesn’t push me into massive action. On the contrary, it may well have been the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
What I have done is reach out. You know “Phone a friend.” Immediately before ‘our holiday’ we were charged to make at least one MMA or Master Mind Alliance. This is my life jacket. There is much to be said about someone else who has your back, especially when you are figuratively standing on quicksand. Only two ways to go. I reached out by zooming with my small mastermind group and just putting out what I was struggling with. My ears prick up, when the first words I hear on the next zoom, is “Hey Grant, you are doing great,” defusing my anxiety and creating hope for light at the end of the tunnel. Cindy’s voice was so inspirational, compassionate and loving voice so I replayed it several times. A little pick me up.
And it did the job. I started to believe again.
So then, I contemplate JJ’s sense of something’s missing. “what are you holding back?” This led me to consider how authentic my PPNs felt to me. Really, the only one who truly knows is the Guy in the mirror looking back at me. Something came up about truth. And the one consistent thing I have passionately followed since 1989 is a spiritual path. To be honest, the reason behind any of my DMP is because Spiritual Growth underpins the Legacy that I would love to gift humanity. These two intertwined are my driving force. It’s what inspires me and gets me to write, to create, to dream. I am no longer a ship without a rudder. I have a direction and developing my POA or Plan of Action is in the pipeline. I demand to feel the feelings and know what I’m feeling. Feel that subby!
Today, I’m planting a new seed of emotional connection and cultivating its growth.
Unite in Unity.